Goals for
2001:
- Stand up to the Major League
Baseball commissioner. Demand the end to mascot abuse.
- Dress like a mime for visits
to my girlfriend's parents' house. Answer every question with
"I'm trapped in an invisible box." gestures.
- Finally finish my excrement
sculpture.
- Wear a helmet while driving
and get a bumper sticker that says, "Airbags are for cheaters."
- Start wearing a cape. (But
get my girlfriend to stop saying, "faster than a speeding
bullet.")
- Change my voter registration
to the "HugNation" party.
- Instead of a wallet, carry
my money in a burlap sack with a "$" on it like they have
in movie robberies.
- Try my hand at log rolling.
- Petition insurance carriers
to recognize the medicinal uses of pornography.
- Shave off my eyebrows and
draw them back on in a constantly "surprised" arch.
- Whittle a spoon out of a
larger wooden spoon.
- Stand on a street corner
with a "WILL WORK FOR BANDWIDTH" sign.
- Streak the winter Olympics.
- Explain to everyone who sees
me streakinig the concept of cold and "shrinkage."
- Work to make orange "Cheeto
fingers" a vogue fashion trend in Paris
- Fight that public indecency
charges on "Freedom of Religion" grounds.
- Embrace the healing benefits
of urine drinking.
- Convince someone to tattoo
their nose.
- Start saying, "This is for
Tupac!" more often.
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What are YOUR
goals for the new year?
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