Dear Halcyon,
(Johnny as I know you like to be called in bed)
It has
come to my attention that the sex we had wasn't so great. However,
there are a few things that I would like to get off of my non-existant
chest...
- God
didn't make me with a body. Don't discriminate.
- If I
had a mouth, I would talk.
- I don't
have an authentic smell.
- Please
take me out on a date. Sex with you wasn't exactly what I
had in mind for our first date you cheap-o!
- Although
I am not diswasher safe, at least toss me in the shower.
- I am
disease free. -I was a virgin so it was my first time. Let
me experiment. I'll get better, I promise.
- Why
didn't you brag about ME to your friends. I'm not hot enough?
- If you're
just going to leave me here in this closet, could you at least
get me a dildo...preferably one larger than the size of YOUR
penis.
- Why
is the number of men at the real house slowly dwindling? I'm
useless to all those chicks. Get me a piece of that Gunnar!
Oh BABY! Or at least allow my sister to have a piece of him.
Her name is RubberDottie.
- I am
sorry that things didn't work out between us. I really hope
that you don't entice me with casual sex and then leave me
in the gutter. This could be a rather painful break up.
In closing,
I would like you to remember who got the raw end of the deal
here. You are the messy one. I don't even smell...well...ok,
so I smell like rubber, but that's better than some smells...right?
Anyway,
maybe we will have at it again. Maybe we won't. Do you have
casual sex often? Should I be tested? I hope this wasn't some
sort of drunken mistake that we both made. I do have feelings
for you though strangely, all of those feelings are strictly
sexual. Maybe I'm just too young for you. I mean, I was only
manufactured last year. Well, whatever the case, realize that
it's tough being a rubber vagina. I did my best for you. I would
like to work things out...maybe go out on a date, go for long
walks on the beach, meet your parents, hang out with your friends.
Please let me know what you want.
I love
you...
Debbie
the rubber vagina
|