PT Fun-O-Rama

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Ron Jeremy has been a re-occuring figure on prehensile.com through the years. There was an early Tale, and a guest Tattle Tale from an old friend of Ron's. But when I ran into "The Hedgehog" himself at a street fair last month, I was prompted to write the following...

Let's talk about Ron Jeremy.

If you've seen a porn made in the last 20 years, you've seen Ron. You've probably seen WAY too much of him. I've seen more of his nooks and crannies than I did my last girlfriend.

While his hair-covered weeble-wobble body is physically repulsive, in one sense, I think it's a good thing I've seen so much of it.

Seeing Ron naked is good for a young man's self-image.

While young women were looking at unrealistic images of women in fashion magazines, I was looking at this fat, hairy man as an example of the mature male form.

Young girls think, "If I just purge a few more meals, I'll be glamorous like Kate Moss!"
I thought, "If I just grow more hair on my back, I'll get laid like Ron Jeremy!"

Who's to say who had it worse?

I'll tell you who has it worst: The fledgling porn starlet.

Imagine her first day on the set:

Her nipple scars are almost healed from her 3rd boob job.
She's achieved an almost Dostoevsky-esque state of super-morality.
She's embraced her sexuality and is ready to turn-on the world.m

Then the director looks into her big sparkling eyes and says, "You gotta fuck that guy." While pointing to Ron Jeremy. in his award-winning

Why is this man in adult films? Perhaps because ugly guys like to watch Ron is action and think to themselves, "If she would fuck *that* guy, surely she'd fuck me"

Yeah, he's got a big dick. But I spent enough time in locker rooms to know that there are well-endowed, attractive guys out there. Perhaps he gets the "acting" roles because he's an exceptional thespian. I have no way to judge because I always fast forward through the dialogue (I'd much rather spend my time sneaking peeks in locker rooms). Maybe I'm wrongfully judging a book by its fat and hairy cover. Perhaps, like Cyrano Debergerac, Ron's inner beauty and romantic soul ignites women's passions.

Perhaps.

But the fact remains that the man is repulsive. Watching him have sex with a pretty young girl is less an arousing act than it is a circus act. It's like watching a geek bite the head off a chicken. Disgusting and fascinating.

I think the difference between erotica and obscenity, is the presence of Ron Jeremy.

So, while I appreciate his icon status, I hate what he does to porn. He makes it so dirty. There is no chance in hell those women *want* to be having sex with him. That ruins it for me. You'd think that naked people having sex would be enough. But no! I want to at least have the *illusion* that the women are enjoying it. With Ron Jeremy in the picture, that's impossible.

Perhaps I'm just jealous because his manhood is *significantly* bigger than mine.

Perhaps.

Prehensile Tales wants to be a porn star

d e s i g n by h a l c y o n