Have you read the Starr report? 400 pages of dry sexual description. Kinda like Sex Ed. class. The subject matter is enough to give you a boner, but the delivery is so cold and lifeless that it just ruins it for me. If the Government is gonna spend $40 million on smut, I expect it to be good. I was really hoping the Starr Report would start like a Penthouse Forum letter:

     
"I never thought these letters were real. But then something happened at the office a few months ago that changed my mind. I'm a curvy brunette with doe-eyes and supple breasts. My boss is a distinguished older man with 9 inches of throbbing man-meat…etc, etc."

      Instead we get,
"Ms. Lewinsky testified credibly that the President touched and kissed her bare breasts on nine occasions, and that he stimulated her genitals on four occasions."

      Ooh baby. I love it when you talk nasty like that.

      Of course, I doubt Starr released the report to turn me on. He has a whole different agenda. Starr's got Clinton by the balls, and his intent is far different than Monica's would be in the same position.

      It makes me sick.

      My attitude: Back the fuck off. Clinton is human. He had an affair. He fucked up in his personal life. If that bothers you, then don't date him. And don't hire him to babysit your teenagers. There. Problem solved. Let the dude get back to work. It's a big freakin' country, and a few semen stains aren't worth putting the rest of the world on hold. Bill's got some pretty intense job responsibilities and if he works better with clean pipes, so be it.

      "But he LIED" you scream at me with mob-induced bloodlust.

      He lied about an affair. No duh. That's what an affair is. It's a lie. If you want to condemn him for having an affair, fine. If you think a relationship indiscretion is reason to take down the leader of the free world, then that's your right. I question your priorities, but I can't fault your logic. But if you condemn him for lying to the American people, I think you're wrong.

      There are certain things that every person will lie about. Well, some perfect souls might be honest at all times, but those people would never survive the democratic election process.

      No man macho enough to be elected president will ever answer yes to:
"Do you have a small penis?"
"Do you suffer from impotence?"
"Have you ever had an affair?"

      Any normal person would refuse to answer those questions. We force our political leaders to answer personal questions, so backed into a corner, our President lied. He lied to protect his family from embarrassment. He lied to protect his personal name. He lied because the lie HAD NO BEARING ON HIS JOB AS PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES.

      I wish this would all go away. But I fear the mud throwing will leave us all soiled for years to come. All we can do is kick back with a stogie and remember the good ol' days when Presidents were above the law.