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News reports of the last couple weeks have unearthed a scathing conspiracy. Look at the evidence: The Lakers won some important sporting thingy. They mapped the Human Gene. See the connection? I'll give you a second. Not seeing it? It all comes down to Shaq. Yes, Shaquille O'Neil is the key. His connection with the Lakers is pretty clear. The Gene connection is less obvious, but no less sinister. Remember the movie, "Kazaam"? Do I have to spell it out?! Shaq…Super Powers…Human Genome Project… Isn't the underlying theme of the Human Gene Project to understand genetics enough so that we can alter them? And why would we want to alter genetics except TO CREATE A RACE OF HIGHLY MARKETABLE SUPER-ATHLETES!!! Shaq was just the first prototype! He averaged 45 points per game in the finals, and he's the BETA VERSION! (I heard the finished product is supposed to have a more normal looking head and be better at rapping) Think of the athletic teams of the future! Think of the endorsements possibilities! Just try not to think about Kazaam. other genetic tales "Bigger, Faster, Stronger"

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