Bangkok Sex Report

I succumbed to the sleaze.
My 3rd night in Bangkok I made the pilgrimage to the infamous Patpong district --an area known for its ability to "…make a hard man humble."

No less than 15 establishments in a block-long alley promise shows of exotic sexual delights. Thai men accost you in front of each place.

"Come! Live Show! No Cover! Come Look!.."

Every one of these "touts" shoves the same 3" x 4" type-written laminated "menu" in your face.







And other grammatically questionable acts

Neon signs above flared clever bar names like, "Supergirl" "Pussy Galore" and "Super Pussy"

We picked SuperGirl and went inside. We ordered our mandatory $2.50 beer and sat down during the middle of WOMAN WOMAN LESBIAN. A naked Thai in her early teens sat on the lap of another equally naked girl. The girl on top did a languid impression of a seductive dance. Sort of a go-go grind on Quaaludes. The two girls had flat, bored expressions on their faces and were having a quiet conversation. From the neck up they could have been burnt-out assembly-line workers talking about last night's ball game while pressing rivets into sheet metal. There was nothing sexy or erotic about them, despite the fact that The top girl was impaling herself on the bottom girl's strap-on dildo. The act ended when the song playing ended, not after any sort of faux-orgasm.

Unlike the tip-greedy performers at American Go-Go bars, The Thai entertainers make no attempt to arouse the audience. No smiles, no seductive eye contact, no provocative body movements.

The girls don't get tips so have no incentive to entice or turn on the audience. The facial expressions and body movements evoke only pity

It was the least erotic thing involving penetration that I have ever experienced.


It should be noted that the girls were not strippers. In fact, there was no stripping whatsoever. The women simply remain naked for their entire shift. Apparently "Naked" is the traditional uniform for this art.


"Skilled Vaginal Performers" is a far more accurate description than "Stripper". Their amazing feats are more along the lines of a circus strongman -- demonstrating the potential of the human body.


Using only her Vagina, One of the ladies can:
  • Smoke cigarettes
  • Pop open a bottle of beer
  • Write a letter (with an impressive cowboy illustration as well!!)
  • Blow out candles on a birthday cake
  • And she can pop balloons using only a blowgun and her vagina!

She is no stripper. Heck, no! She's actually more of a superhero! She should have her own comic book or Saturday morning cartoon.


SuperPussy would be accompanied by her side-kick, Container Woman! Container Woman shoves scarves, ping pong balls, and razor blades inside her and removes them - like an inverse sword swallower.
(Side Note: The Ping Pong ball Trick is a huge disappointment if you've seen the movie Priscilla--Queen of the Desert. You expect that the little balls are gonna shoot out of her like a cannon, but they just slip out with a pathetic "bloop"…maybe for the cartoon we can embellish her skills a little. )


I suspect the Thais are aware of the Superhero aspect of it. That’s why the names of the clubs read like roll-call at a Hall of Justice meeting:



Pussy Galore?





The world is wrong to label Bangkok "sleazy." This kind of reputation is based on rumor and fiction. If you visit yourself you'll see the girls of the Patpong district for what they are ...Crime fighting superwomen honing their skills to battle evil and keep the world safe. Oh, and for under $20 you can sleep with them (but I still don't think they smile).

ping pong woman!!!

Prehensile Tales once had a fling with Container Woman.

Copyright © 1997 Prehensile Tales.

d e s i g n by h a l c y o n