I asked you to page me. Anonymous alphanumeric pages to vibe me through my day. And you did. Some pages were baffling. Some genius. Most were disgusting and perverse. I can't thank you enough. There is nothing more exciting than reaching to my pager and wondering if it says, "WEB SERVER DOWN" or "Take it baby, take it all the way. I know you like it when I vibrate like this."

Well, the following are some recent pages (in bold) and my responses.

You're close. We're a paint-ass web page

Don't tease. I was once on the Barbara DeAngeles talk show where she analyzed a dream I had. I dreamt that I gave birth to 2 kittens. They told me I would have to say, "I had female anatomy" instead of saying " I had a vagina" as I originally described my dream before the show taped.

…and don't forget STUDS and Trashed. Ideally I'd like to stretch my 15 minutes of fame into an entire 1 hour afterschool special (50 minutes or so after commercials)

Several years ago, my body saturated with illicit chemicals and non-violent herbal stimulation, I decided that I had WAY too much flair to be chained down with a mundane name like, "John."

"Halcyon" comes from a mythical bird (like the Phoenix). Sailors would say that stormy seas would calm when the Halcyon bird appeared. The word "Halcyon" has since come to mean "tranquil, happy, idyllic" and earned ultimate legitimacy when a psychotropic drug took the name, "Halcion."

I've used it as a pen name for about 3 years and changed my middle name to "Halcyon" last year. Halcyon and John are two sides of the same shiny coin.

Halcyon seems to emerge when the chemical/herbal level of my brain reaches a certain point. And until we discover the exact point of that switch, we have no choice but to continue with our intense research schedule.

What does "Prehensile" mean?

 

You bet your cutesy-spelling ass. Porn delivers what the real world only teases. ( And yet I somehow find the time to spell out the word, "you.")

Wrong pager, bro…but good luck.

Pretty Sly. That's a great way to break the ice and get naked on a date. Feel free to strip down.

Maybe I wouldn't speak so loudly if I had a bigger stick.

Hey, I think you doctored that tongue image. "You're no Jack Kennedy."

I assure you the only body parts of mine I would ever embellish upon are my genitals.

That is either so arousing or SOOO frightening…This anonymous pager thing can be tricky.

-But I don't have a…Oh, heh…good one.

I'm a political bi-sexual. I would have have sex with any person that I was aroused by and I felt a connection to. So far, only women have made me feel that way.

Last night. Unless you mean, "…with a partner."

These aren't the droids you're looking for…

Uh, I was told there would be no math.