Tattle Tales brings to www.prehensile.com true stories from the fringe. Past Tattle Tales have included: a look inside the world of 70's porn, and a scientific expedition in Antartica.

This weeks Tale is a new Tattler from artist, Matt Lee:

Small Doses
by Matt Lee

Several New Year's Eves ago, my brother and I took a few tabs of acid and went out partying. So we set sail on our chemical journey and were firmly planted at the bar by 7pm. After starting a tab (at the bar...we started our other "tab" hours earlier) we had the bartender start concocting all sorts of crazy shots.
When the bar eventually filled in, we were just out of our heads. Luckily, the drunkeness masked the fact that we were also tripping.
Then I spotted a midget. This was no figment of my multiple inebriations. There was an actual "little person" at the end of the bar. He had an Australian accent and was going on and on about the Americas' cup.
Well, partying with midgets on hallucinagens is just about a dream come true.
I couldn't resist the urge to go up and meet him and then bring him into the mix.
"Hey there, Matey, What's your name ? Let me buy you a beer, eh?"

So my brother and I sit next to him and started hanging out. Just getting higher and drunker while satisfying my perverse desire to have a midget around. At some point he wasn't paying attention to some story that I was telling him so I ...well, I slapped him. It wasn't very hard, it was just a "Hey, man can I have your attention over here" kind of slap.

He went berserk .
He slammed his beer down and started swinging at me. My brother held him back as the rest of the bar started looking at me with disgust. Every face said, "You son of a bitch, pick on someone your own size."

Anyhoo... I don't think that I have to tell you what an incredible buzz kill it was to have things so pleasantly weird one moment and then, have this chubby little, furious midget trying to kill me. We bailed and went into the night. The night left us with an awesome tale and a new euphemism for whacking-off... "Slapping the Midget".

illustrations are details from Matt's Paintings.

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