One of my favorite pieces of mail to receive is The Leisure Time Products catalog...

"Leisure" doesn't refer to Backyard BBQ's and knitting. Although, some of LTP's more extreme offerings may include those activities. The Leisure Time Products catalog features adult videos and accessories that range from the raunchy to the absurd. If you ever feel guilt about your sexual perversions, the LTP catalog should reassure you. You have to be a pretty sick puppy to out-kink the people ordering, "Toilet Tales" or one of the tapes featuring dwarfs and unshaved women. LTP is packed with Straight, Gay, Bi, Amateur, Transvestite, Hermaphrodite, Anal Fetish, Oral Fetish, Fat Fetish, Hair Fetish, Foot Fetish, Guys Who can Blow Themselves (!) and a whole slew of special effects videos.

"Special effect porno movies???" you naively ask.
You betcha: Guys with fake 18" dicks, women with a prosthetic penis glued to their abdomen (billed as "hermaphrodites"), women with fake 3" nipples, a guy with a fake 12' tongue, and guys with 2 dicks. Gluing pieces of rubber to porn stars is far more silly than arousing to me…but different strokes for different folks.

Wendy Whoppers

The most disturbing mutants featured in LTP videos are the women with HUGE silicon implants. Huge beyond merely "busty", to the realm of "freakish." But these basketball-sized breasts are NOT special effects, They're surgical implants. It's one thing to spend a few hours with a special effects makeup team in order to satisfy some perve's fetish. It's something far more disturbing to go under the knife for it.

And even more disturbing than the surgical mutation of a young woman is the fact that Leisure Time Products PAYS for these breast enlargements!* Now my soapbox will never denounce the institution of pornography (or breast augmentation, for that matter), but I have an ethical problem with a big corporation paying some aspiring 18-year old to surgically turn her into a freak. What is this girl gonna look like at 60?

What if there was a market for amputee porn movies? Could they pay some down-on-their-luck drug-addict to surgically remove her arms and legs?! Could a wealthy narcissist pay to have a young gigolo surgically altered to look like himself?! That would give a whole new realm of meaning to the phrase, "go fuck yourself." If you have enough money, can you create mutant humans to suit your fetish needs?! Aren't porn actresses exploited enough? Am I alone in finding this frightening?

We'd be much better off if we could just stick to the special effects videos…maybe increase their budgets a bit. We could get the Industrial Light and Magic people to use their talents to make a computer animation-enhanced "Jurassic Porno." Wow…

I can't believe I just thought that. I really need to date more.

Want to read another Tale about Surgical Body Enhancement? Try:
Bigger. Faster. Stronger.

Or maybe you missed these sex-related Tales:
Bancock Sex Report
me and ron jeremy
Online Porn part I
Online Porn part II

Want to get a LTP catalog in the mail (and have your name alongside Halcyon's on the FBI "pervert" list)? You can sign up for one at www.sexvideostore.com.

Prehensile Tales reads porn for the articles...and the porn.

what's new + best of + links, etc + contact + what IS this?

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fucker, indeed

Copyright © 1998 Prehensile Tales.

d e s i g n by h a l c y o n

*I read this somewhere. I can't remember where…so it may not be true. But work with me here, okay?