What brand of whipped cream do you prefer for more......unconventional uses?....if ya know what i mean

Oh, I know what you mean! I find that Cool Whip fills my ears best for quiet nights and easy sleeping. But Readi-Wip does a better job at soothing my rash.


put me down and step away very slowly

Okay. You're a lousy kisser. Goodbye.


Let's just say, that if you were dead, I wouldn't bury you right away.

Oh, baby…I love a woman that can handle a little stink and decay!


of course sex is better for women: when your ear hurts, and you stick your finger in it to itch it, which feels better, your finger or your ear?

Am I understanding you correctly? A woman will dig it if I stick my dick in her ear?


So I was bored right... Then I thought, "I bet I'm so good at this web thing I can probably navigate the mouse with my penis!" And sure enough, I end up here. I was right!

It's true! If you're ever lost on the web, a penis can serve as a dowsing rod to find www.prehensile.com

Halcyon , it's me , your penis. It has come to my attention that you are out of Lubriderm. I think you should stock up boy otherwise we're gonna have some serious chaffing issues.

You can boot up the computer and type a message but you can't run to the store for Lubriderm? Lazy, lazy penis.


Much luv baby, you slap the white off my ass!

Maybe Michael Jackson should start reading Prehensile Tales?


Step two: insert butt-plug

Goodness. I may need a refresher course on Step one…and maybe another beer or two.


Could I interest you in a slightly used penis enlarger? Unless you think it's use would be detrimental to your site's content...

Much like Van Gogh needed his mental anguish to fuel his paintings…I need my penis as it is.


I like a good chedder

You mean the cheese? Or "one who cheds?" 'Cause I'm sick and tired of all that chedding.


Just looked at your photographs...Your mother weaned you off the breast early, didn't she?

Actually, yes. My therapist says I should try to make up for lost time. Anyone know where I could find a teat to suckle at?


When are the Halcyon action figures coming out ?

They were supposed to be out in time for Xmas…but Barbie is pulling some legal bullshit revolving around my pink Corvette accessory. That gangly bitch.


All this talk of cereal has me hungry...wanna play hide-the-banana with me?

Where on earth would we hide a…Oh, I get it now. My Dole-hole isn't ready for much game-playing.


Egads! The happy monkey has sprung a leak!

That's called "ejaculation." You're gonna want to go wash your hands.


I'm doing the daily crossword and can't come up with a 7-letter word for "shirtless egotist." Any help?

I mean, I like waffles and everything…but I'm not sure If I qualify as an Eggoist.

Hungry for more?
Vibe Me, Baby I and II ,III and IV are aching to be read.

Of course, you could always just vibe me.

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