Do you mind if I stalk you?

If you're referring to the Aborigine Celerey Stalk Anal Impaling Ceremony...then, yes...I'm ready to be stalked.


Hey there. Question: Do you like monkeys?

Do I like Monkey's!? Didn't I ever tell you about the time I lost my virginity?


John, this is your Penis. If you don't start using me the way God intended then I am filing for a separation.

What do you mean, "not intended" ?! If god didn't want me dipping it in the fishtank, he wouldn't have shaped it like an eel.


Halycon, do you ever ravage small farm animals while looking at pictures of peruvian goat monkeys?

Please. .Even *I* don't need pictures AND live farm animals. One or the other is plenty.


narcissism gay love nipple rings

Kinda, no, yes, yes.


All I can say is :SATAN! SATAN! SATAN!

Like Turret's syndrome? That's a bummer of an affliction. You should hang out with jr. high Slayer fans. Anyone else is gonna think it weird if you repeat "Satan" over and over.


is it like, really bad to be watching porn and masturbating in your parents' bed? hypothetically speaking, of course

It really depends on whether or not your parents are in the bed at the time. And who rented the porno.


innovate, recreate, masturbate. guess which stage PT is in?

Um...Is there an essay version of this test?


I would love to catch my nose ring in your nipple ring and see which one gave out first

I bet I'd win. I got drunk at a party and was hanging some pretty sizable objects of the ol' nip. I'd take your puny nostril out, _easy_


See that person over there? Right there? No, don't LOOK at them! I saw them checking you out.

You sound just like my old cell-mate. I miss my days in the joint.


I'll be your olive and you can be my pimento

I've got nothing clever to say...this is just one o my favorite pages ever.


Do you prefer astroglide, or 10W-30?

While 10W-30 does have high viscosity, it tends to stain my sheets...and it doesn't work well with condoms (Which I'll have to start worrying about if I ever get a partner.)


What good is posting your weight on your 'about me' page, without posting your height? I mean, you could be 165lbs (as I am) and that sounds fine and dandy. But I think we'd be very different people if it turned out I was 6'3 (I am) and you were 4'2...

Wow! As a matter of fact, I AM 4'2! You're like an electronic version of those circus guess-your-weight guys!


heyyy babyyy wantta go for a ride on my lovvvveee machine???

Is your love machine anything like a go-cart? I really wanna ride a go-cart.


Halcyon, ever since you've left me, it's like there's been this gaping hole in me.... please, baby, I need to fill that hole...

The hole is *gaping*? I really don't think it was me.


Hi Handsome ! Getting any ?

Citations? Sure! Pity? Plenty! Sex? No comment.

Hungry for more?
Vibe Me, Baby I,II,III, IVand V are aching to be read.

Of course, you could always just vibe me.

what's new+ best of+ links, etc+ contact+ what IS this?

this tale brought to you by:



Copyright © 1999 Prehensile Tales.

d e s i g n by h a l c y o n