Vibe Feb 2000

Vibe Me, Baby! VIII

This is the 8th installment of Prehensile Paging.

Any message you type on the pager contact page appears anonomously on my hip in about 10 seconds or so.

You people are some funny folks.

Here are some of the more memorable recent pages (in bold) and my responses:

mydickissoremydickissoremydickissoremydickissoremydickissoremydickissore

Well, maybe you should stop trying to type with it? The spacebar would probably be easier to reach if you had a bigger dick. Knowing your dick's limitations is the best way to avoid soreness.

Ok, so there's this girl I know, and she is really hot. I mean, I masturbate to her mental image every day, 3 times a day. I want to ask her out, but I think after all the jerking off it would be awkward. what should I do?

Definitely ask her out! Just wash your hands (and check for "hair gel") between the jerking and the asking.

hey, are monkey knife fights as cool as they sound?

Yes. The monkeys are kept refrigerated since they are perishable. A cooler monkey lasts longer.

Hey hon, if you had to make a human ice cream sundae with a woman, which flavor ice cream(s) & topping(s) would you use and why???

I'd probably stick to the basics. Vanilla ice cream, loads of chocolate syrup and a few dozen maraschino cherries. But no crushed nuts. they could result in some dangerous friction in the nooks and crannies. (Plus I despise the phrase "crushed nuts")

Hi sexy someone in Dallas wants your body!

Really? Cause the Texas Chainsaw Massacre guy only wants my skin. Together you're like the Lone Star State's version of Jack Spratt and his wife.

Hey Hal, Did you ever have an alien encounter?

Yes, but we did not have relations. The probing you're thinking of was just a fraternity thing.

I've been getting this warm fuzzy feeling down below, what's with that?

Shame on you! Let the cat out of your pants!

Isn't it better too attack from the left hand side ?

It's best to pass the dutchie 'pon the left hand side…but if no dutchie, sure, go ahead and attack.

The guy next to me smells like he ate a dead guy! what should I do?

Hand him a breath mint and casually mention that you are loaded in saturated fat.

I broke my nose during sex, How do I explain this to my worried Grandma?

Just tell her you appreciate her enthusiasm as a lover…but to go easy on you next time.

Mental Note to self: The mouse is not to be used as a sex toy in a pinch...

That sounds like the comment of a quitter! Come on! Give it another go! The only person who doesn't believe in you…is you.

After reading this site, I got the sudden urge to shave my legs, so I did. Is it me or does everyone do that after reading this site?

Damn. I guess I made a typo in my subliminal message…it was supposed to be "Spread your legs" Whoops!

I just noticed something...while reading this page, I just got the first hard on I've had all day. Weird...

At least the male subliminal message is working.

*bark!* "What's that, Lassie?! Halcyon fell down a well?!" *bark bark!!!* "AND he's naked? What the hell was he doing at a well naked?" *bark* "oh god. I'll call the paramedics"

I'd rather not get into the whole story. But let me just say: Never play well strip poker with Lassie. I think she cheats.

Cut your hair and I burn my corsets. And wouldn't THAT be a lovely sight. You know who this is.

Dad?

You seem to have an unusual fondness for anal humor...is there something we should know?

Yes…I have an anus. *bows head in shame*

I wanna see you BAKED.

Heh. Haven't you ever checked in on the work cam?

I've got one question for you - Where on earth (or perhaps that would be heaven if you believe in that sort of thing) do you find and purchase a pair of angel wings?

You either have to live a life of kindness and good deeds…or find a weaker angel, knock him down, and take the wings.